


Stupid Silly Séance

by QueenieSav (flossie1999)



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: College AU, Gen, Ouija Boards, allura is a little shit but i love her, keith is really edgy and i love him, lance is kind of an idiot but i still love him, nonbinary pidge, seances, shiro is definitely the ONLY responsible one, this is wild
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-12
Updated: 2017-06-12
Packaged: 2018-11-13 08:34:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11181015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flossie1999/pseuds/QueenieSav
Summary: Lance is bored. But he has an idea to liven up everyone's Thursday night. Why not have a séance? But when things don't really go according to plan, Lance has another idea; an idea that will result in what may be the stupidest AND best bonding activity that these five friends ever participated in. College AU





	1. Thursday

**Author's Note:**

> a/n: wow so i might really love voltron and might have maybe written a wild fic about it. and just so yall know it caused me physical pain to write the words 'you guys'

**Group Chat: Punk Croc**

**Pretty Boy (Lance McClain), 6:43 PM:** im bored

 **Edgelord (Keith Kogane), 6:44 PM:** and???

 **Pretty Boy (Lance McClain), 6:44 PM:** and lets hang out or something

 **Pidgey (Pidge Gunderson), 6: 46 PM:** We’re all busy, Lance. Some of us take school seriously.

 **Pretty Boy (Lance McClain), 6:47 PM:** ok, first: rude, second: you can take like one night off

 **Chef Boyardee (Hunk Leapai), 6:49 PM:** I guess.

 **Pidgey (Pidge Gunderson), 6:50 PM:** …..One night away from studying won’t hurt.

 **Edgelord (Keith Kogane), 6:52 PM:** ugh fine

 **Pretty Boy (Lance McClain), 6:53 PM:** yeah boiiiiiiii!!!! you guys are the best!!! someone find shiro and meet me at subway at 8:00

 **Edgelord (Keith Kogane), 6:56 PM:** *yall….

 

            Lance was honestly surprised that his friends had agreed to hang out with him on a Thursday night. Like Pidge had said, they were all busy with school, but Lance knew that if he complained just enough, they would give in and do anything he wanted.

            And besides, his friends definitely weren’t going to regret hanging out tonight. Lance had something special planned. All that was to do now was for everyone to show up at Subway.

 

            An hour later, Lance pulled in to the strip mall parking lot. Pidge and Hunk were already there and Pidge was somewhat precariously perched on Hunk’s shoulders.

            “Hey, guys!” Lance called as he got out of his car.

            “Hey, Lance,” Hunk greeted in return, offering Lance a one-armed hug (the other arm was holding onto Pidge’s ankle so that they wouldn’t fall).

            “Why did we have to come to Subway? Couldn’t we have just hung out at your dorm?” Pidge asked. Lance smiled brightly.

            “We don’t want to be doing these kind of things at home,” Lance answered. Pidge raised an eyebrow and Hunk shrugged.

            “Where are Keith and Shiro? It’s…” Lance checked the time on his phone. “It’s 8:04. I said to meet me at 8:00,” Lance complained. Pidge huffed.

            “Chill. They’re pulling in right now,” they said, nodding to where Keith’s old pick-up truck was pulling in to the parking lot.

            “You guys are late,” Lance announced once Shiro and Keith had joined the group. He was tapping his foot and crossing his arms just for show.

            “Y’all, Lance. It’s ‘y’all are late,’” Keith responded. Lance shot Keith a scandalized look.

            “We should go inside before we get arrested for loitering,” Shiro said. The rest of the group made noises of agreement and made their way into Subway.

            The teenager behind the counter was none too pleased that a group of five had arrived only thirty minutes before closing. She was even less pleased when Lance started making demands and nitpicking the way she was making his sandwich. Everyone else ordered their food fairly painlessly.

            “Oh! Lance! Get me extra salt and vinegar chips!” Pidge demanded, refusing to get up from the booth that they had selected for the group.

            “Fuck off, Pidge,” Lance replied, even as he picked up two extra bags of salt and vinegar chips.

            Finally, the five of them crammed themselves in a booth meant for four people.

            “Why are we really here, Lance?” Shiro asked, his mouth full of meatballs.

            “Because I was bored and you guys- yes, Keith, _you guys-_ love me and you didn’t want me to be bored anymore,” Lance answered. Everyone laughed.

            “No, but really, Lance. Why are we here?” Shiro asked again. Lance pouted.

            “I have a game that I want to play,” he finally said. Everyone looked at him expectantly, but Lance had no intention of telling them what he had in mind until someone explicitly asked. Keith rolled his eyes and took the bait.

            “What game, Lance? And why couldn’t we do it at your dorm?” he asked. Lance beamed.

            “Good question, Keith!” he said, reaching under the table for his backpack. “We couldn’t play it at home because I’m not trying to get my dorm haunted or some shit,” Lance answered. Everyone continued to stare at him in response to his painfully vague answer. Lance, always one for theatrics, waited a few more moments before pulling the game out of his backpack. Everyone at the table gasped.

            “What the _fuck_ , Lance?” Pidge asked in a tone that was between disbelieving and fearful.

            “Lance, what the ever-loving fuck do you think you’re doing with a Ouija board?” Shiro demanded. Lance pouted again.

            “I thought we could play with. Commune with the dead or whatever,” he answered. Everyone except Keith looked at him in disbelief.

            “Again, Lance: what the fuck?” Pidge asked. “We are definitely not playing with a Ouija board,” they declared.

            “Especially not in the back of a shitty sandwich store,” Shiro said.

            “I’m down,” Keith said.

            “Wait, what?” the group asked in unison.

            “I said I’m down,” Keith said again.

            “Yes! I love you, Keith!” Lance screeched and flung himself on Keith, who promptly pushed him off.

            “The two of you will die and I will not feel the least bit sorry,” Pidge said.

            “Pidge. We’re all playing. It’s all or none. Punk Croc does not abandon each other in times of need,” Lance argued.

            “One: this is not a time of need. This is you being stupid. Two: if it’s all or none, I choose none. Hunk back me up on this,” Pidge said.

            “I’m with Pidge on this one. I don’t want you guys to die and _I_ definitely don’t want to die so…” Hunk offered. Lance fixed him with _that look_.

            “Please, Hunk? I promise nothing bad will happen. Didn’t you ever want to know something from beyond the grave? This could be your chance to find out,” Lance pleaded. Hunk wavered for almost a full minute before he caved.

            “Ok, fine. As long as you promise nothing bad will happen,” he agreed.

            “He can’t possibly promise that,” Pidge insisted.

            “I promise, Hunk. And I would never break a promise,” Lance said.

            “Well, you’ve still got two that won’t be participating and it’s all or none right? I guess, then, tonight it’s none,” Pidge announced, looking triumphantly at Shiro.

            “Pidge is right. The two of us just have to be responsible enough for the entire group, I guess,” Shiro said.

            “Keith, Hunk, help me out here,” Lance pleaded. Keith and Hunk both rolled their eyes but turned to the others anyway.

            “Pidge. I can’t promise anything definite. But be logical about it. Probably nothing will come of this. I bet this shit isn’t even real. What’s the harm in just trying?” Hunk begged Pidge, who was still adamantly opposed to the idea.

            Keith, meanwhile, was whispering into Shiro’s ear and Shiro’s face had turned an alarming shade of red.

            “Ok, fine. I’ll do it,” Shiro said quickly, pushing Keith away from him. Lance grinned.

            “It’s four against one, Pidge,” Keith said, looking at Pidge expectantly.

            “It’s still all or none,” Pidge replied.

            “C’mon, Pidge! Just give it a try,” Lance said.

            “Yeah, Pidge. What’re you so scared about, anyway?” Keith pestered.

            “Please, Pidge?” Hunk begged.

            “It wouldn’t hurt just to try,” Shiro said.

            “I won’t succumb to this peer pressure. And besides, Hunk and Shiro didn’t even want to do this either. Keith and Lance are playing dirty to get their way,” Pidge announced.

            “I can’t make any promises about Lance, but I assure you that _I_ have never played dirty in my life,” Keith said. Pidge and Shiro both fixed him with a disbelieving stare.

            “Pidge, please. I will literally complain about this for the rest of our lives if you don’t do this. You know how annoying my complaining is. Do you really want that? Think about the others, too. I’m not picky, I’ll complain to them, too. Do you really want to be the reason that I get murdered by Keith because I won’t shut up?” Lance nagged.

            “Ok, whatever! Just don’t complain. Ever. I hate your complaining,” Pidge shouted. Lance’s face contorted into a devilish smirk.

            “That’s all five of us. Let’s get this party started,” Lance said, pulling the top off of the box.

            “We close in ten minutes,” the girl behind the counter said, eyeing the group with contempt. Keith and Lance both huffed in annoyance. Pidge smiled triumphantly.

            “I guess we can’t play. Oh, well. So sorry. Well I’ll see you guys tomorrow” they said, moving to get out of the booth. Lance immediately stuck his leg out to block Pidge’s path.

            “We’re playing,” he said, and the look on his face indicated that he was deathly serious.

            “Where? Your place? I thought you were too scared to play at your place,” Pidge snarked.

            “If I’m not mistaken, there’s a streetlamp by the dumpster of this fine establishment. That’s where we’ll play,” Lance declared.

            “Are you serious?” Shiro inquired. Lance nodded vigorously.

            “Honestly? Aesthetic. The thought of five grown ass adults huddled under the light of a streetlamp behind a Subway to play with a Ouija board is so appealing to me,” Keith said.

            “What the fuck, Keith? You’re so weird,” Lance said and everyone nodded their agreement.

            “Whatever. Are we playing or not?” Keith huffed.

            “Yeah, let’s go,” Lance grabbed his backpack and stood up. The rest of the group followed suit. Together they exited the store to begin their game.

            “Wait. Aren’t you supposed to invite the spirits at _that location_? I don’t think there will be any spirits at a Subway,” Pidge said. Keith shrugged.

            “There are spirits everywhere,” he replied.

            “Yeah! Someone was probably murdered in the dumpster of something,” Lance added cheerfully.

            “That’s not what I meant, Lance. I meant that spirits are weird and they do weird things and sometimes they decide to go to the back lot of a shitty sandwich shop,” Keith explained.

            “You seem to know a lot about spirits,” Shiro said. Keith shrugged again.

            “Ok, guys, can we just hurry up and get this over with? We’ve got class tomorrow,” Hunk said. Lance nodded enthusiastically and dropped to the ground under the streetlight.

            “Lance, how do we do this?” Shiro asked as lance pulled the board out of the box and got it set up.

            “I don’t know. And there are no instructions. I guess we’ll wing it,” Lance answered. Keith pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed.

            “You’re an idiot, Lance. I’ll be the medium. Ok, y’all, put your fingers on the planchette,” Keith instructed.

            “The what?” Hunk asked.

            “The planchette,” Keith repeated, holding up a teardrop-shaped piece.

            “Have you played with a Ouija board before?” Shiro asked.

            “Duh,” Keith answered without looking at him.

            “ _Why_ have you played with a Ouija board before?” Shiro clarified.

            “Why not? It’s fun,” Keith answered.

            “Shiro, you forgot that he’s edgy and does weird Satanic shit all the time,” Lance said.

            “A Ouija board isn’t Satanic, Lance. It’s just a way to communicate with the dead,” Keith said.

            “Sounds Satanic to me,” Pidge noted.

            “Whatever. Are we playing or not?” Keith asked. Everyone nodded. “Ok then. Put your fingers on the planchette.” Once everyone had a finger on the piece, Keith continued.

            “Since none of y’all have ever played, we’ll do this my way. Nobody move the piece. It’ll move on its own. Are there any spirits present here tonight?” Keith asked.

            “What do you mean by _your_ way? I thought there was only one way to do this,” Hunk said.

            “You have to have an opening ritual, and since I’m the only one that’s ever done this before, we’re using my opening ritual,” Keith answered.

            “What’s the opening ritual?” Lance asked.

            “It’s the fucking first question. Now everybody shut up,” Keith said. Everyone fell silent.

            “Now I have to ask again. Way to go. Are there any spirits present here tonight?” Keith asked again. The group waited in tense silence for a long moment. Then, the planchette began to slowly move towards the ‘YES’ in the top left corner.

            “Lance, I swear to _fucking_ God,” Pidge growled.

            “It’s not me! I swear. It’s Keith,” Lance accused.

            “It’s none of us. It’s the spirits,” Keith said. Pidge glared at him. Hunk gulped audibly.

            “What do you want to ask them now?” Keith asked once everyone was silent.

            “Should we ask its name?” Hunk inquired hesitantly.

            “I wouldn’t. I don’t typically get on a first name basis with the spirits,” Keith advised.

            “Maybe its age, then?” Pidge suggested.

            “I think we should ask how many there are first,” Shiro said.

            “I agree with Shiro. How many spirits are there?” Keith asked. The planchette slowly moved to the ‘1’ printed at the bottom of the board.

            “There’s just one. This’ll be easy, then,” Keith said.

            “Ok, how old are you?” Keith asked. The planchette stayed on 1 for a moment before it moved to 8.

            “Are you eighteen?” Keith clarified. The planchette moved to YES.

            “Aw. It’s just a baby,” Lance lamented. Everyone glared at him.

            “Lance. You’re nineteen. You were eighteen three months ago. _Pidge_ is eighteen,” Shiro reminded him.

            “Still. Eighteen is pretty young to die,” Lance defended.

            “Sure. Whatever. What do y’all want to ask it now?” Keith expectantly look at his friends.

            “Oh! Ask if it’s a boy or a girl,” Lance exclaimed. Once again, everyone glared at him.

            “Does that _matter_?” Shiro asked.

            “Hey, Keith asked for questions so I came up with a question,” Lance said.

            “Jesus Christ. Ok,” Keith mumbled. “Are you a boy or a girl?” he asked. The planchette moved to ‘NO’ in the upper right corner.

            “Same,” Pidge agreed.

            “Wow, great question, Lance. Anybody have any more?”

            “Ask how they died,” Pidge said.

            “That’s rude, Pidge. I don’t want to offend the spirit,” Keith replied.

            “It’s rude to ask how a spirit died?” Hunk asked.

            “They might be self-conscious about it. And I don’t know about y’all but I don’t want to be a spirit’s bad side,” Keith answered. Everyone mumbled in agreement.

            “Are there _any_ more questions?” Keith asked. Nobody offered any.

            “Ok, this was lame. Sorry to bother you. Goodbye,” Keith said. The planchette moved to ‘GOODBYE’ at the bottom of the board.

            “You can remove your fingers now,” Keith announced.

            “That was…kind of lame,” Pidge decided.

            “And to think you were so against it, Pidge,” Lance said.

            “Hey, I’m blaming you for it being lame. You were the one that wanted to play this,” Pidge countered. Lance pressed his hand to his heart in mock offense.

            “You didn’t really think this through, did you?” Shiro asked.

            “I thought we could just wing it,” Lance said. Keith rolled his eyes.

            “Typically, you want to be prepared when you commune with the dead,” he quipped. Lance opened his mouth to respond.

            “Lance. Drop it. Just pack up the board. It’s past ten and we’ve all got class tomorrow,” Shiro said.

            “You’re such a dad, Shiro. It’s not that late,” Lance mumbled as he shoved the board game into his backpack.

            “Next time we hang out, it better be fun,” Pidge threatened.

            “This was fun. We bonded. Sort of,” Lance replied.

            “I’m not kidding, Lance. You’re on thin fucking ice,” Pidge said.

            “I’m _so_ scared,” Lance said, voice dripping in sarcasm.

            “Enough! Let’s just go home,” Shiro interrupted.

            “Thanks, Dad,” Keith said, patting Shiro’s shoulder. Shiro rolled his eyes.

            “Let’s go, Keith. Bye Lance, Hunk, Pidge,” Shiro said, waving to his friends. He and Keith made their way across the parking lot to Keith’s red pickup.

            “I swear, Lance. Make it good next time,” Pidge called over their shoulder as they walked to Hunk’s car.

            “See you tomorrow, man,” Hunk said, hugging Lance. Hunk then followed Pidge to the car.

            Lance shouldered his backpack and walked back to his car. His friends were right, that was brilliantly lame. He was disappointed. He had expected them to have an interaction with some more lively spirits but all they got was a bored teenager.

            As Lance turned the key in the ignition, an idea began to take shape in his head. He grinned wickedly. Yes, this would turn out to be fun after all.

 

 

            Lance waited until it was well after one in the morning before he acted on his plan. He threw on his pajamas and mussed up his hair to make it look like he had just been roused from sleep. Then he made his way to Shiro and Keith’s room on the fifth floor.

            “What do you want, Lance?” Shiro asked, rubbing his eyes and glaring at his friend.

            “I need to talk to Keith,” Lance said.

            “He’s sleeping. And I was, too. It’s one forty-five in the morning, Lance. This can wait until morning,” Shiro decided, closing the door. Lance quickly shoved his foot in the doorway to keep it from closing all the way.

            “Shiro, let me talk to Keith,” Lance begged.

            “What could possibly be so important?” Shiro asked.

            “It’s about the Ouija board,” Lance said. Shiro groaned.

            “Lance. Let it go. It was just a stupid game. Let us sleep,” Shiro insisted.

            “I think the spirit lied when it said goodbye,” Lance said. Shiro glared at him.

            “Please, Shiro, just let me talk to Keith,” Lance persisted. Shiro finally sighed and opened the door for Lance to come in.

            “I should warn you that he doesn’t like being woken up,” Shiro offered, following Lance inside.

            Keith was buried under at least twenty blanket and there were clothes stacked on top of his sleeping form.

            “Jesus. He sure is messy, isn’t he?” Lance asked, stepping over all the clothes and dirty dishes that surrounded Keith’s bed.

            “I think he does it just to annoy me,” Shiro said, climbing back into his bed. “Please be quiet about this. I want to sleep.”

            Lance gently shook Keith’s shoulder. Keith groaned, but otherwise showed no signs of stirring. Lance shook him more forcefully.

            “Hngggg….no,” Keith mumbled, burrowing further into his blankets.

            “Keith. Wake up,” Lance whispered and shook Keith again. Keith barely opened his eyes.

            “What do you want, Lance,” he mumbled.

            “I think the spirit lied when it said goodbye,” Lance whispered.

            “Not possible. Goodnight,” Keith said, flopping on to his stomach.

            “Keith, get up. I’m serious. My drawers started opening and closing and shit and all my dishes are on my floor,” Lance insisted.

            “Don’t believe you,” Keith replied.

            “Then come see it,” Lance said.

            “No. You probably did it yourself.”

            “Keith, I swear I didn’t do it myself. Please. Get up,” Lance said, grabbing Keith’s arm and dragging him from his bed.

            “Fuck it. Ok, I’m up, Lance,” Keith said.

            “Come see my room,” Lance insisted, continuing to drag Keith.

            “No. I don’t wanna leave. I believe you,” Keith said groggily.

            “What should we do?” Lance asked.

            “I don’t know. This hasn't happened to me before. Get the others, I guess,” Keith replied. Lance immediately pulled out his phone.

            “Lance they’re right down the hall. You can go get them in person,” Keith hissed as the light from Lances phone lit up the room and effectively blinded him.

            “This is easier, we’ll meet here,” Lance said. Keith rolled his eyes.

            “Whatever. Shiro, get up,” Keith said. Shiro swore quietly, but got out of bed.

**Group Chat: Punk Croc**

**Pretty Boy (Lance McClain), 1:52 AM:** we’re meeting in keith and shiro’s room

 **Pidgey (Pidge Gunderson), 1:52 AM:** Right now? It’s the middle of the night.

 **Pretty Boy (Lance McClain), 1:53 AM:** yes right now. grab hunk and come here

 **Pidgey (Pidge Gunderson), 1:54 AM:** What is this about?

 **Pretty Boy (Lance McClain) 1:55 AM:** just come here


	2. Friday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow would ya look at that! and update on the SAME DAY that i published. here is the next chapter of this trainwreck

            “What could you _possibly_ want at this godforsaken hour?” Pidge grumbled when Lance opened the door. A still mostly-asleep Hunk stood behind Pidge.

            “It’s about the Ouija board,” Keith called from inside his room. Pidge rolled their eyes.

            “Are you fucking kidding me, Lance? You made me get out of bed at two in the morning so that you could bitch about a Ouija board?” Pidge asked disbelievingly.

            “I’m not _bitching_! Just… come in,” Lance said, stepping aside so that Pidge and Hunk could enter the room. The newcomers immediately migrated to Shiro’s bed to make themselves comfortable.

            “Woah, Shiro, you look kinda rough, buddy,” Pidge said, fixing Shiro with a disgusted look. Shiro narrowed his eyes at them.

            “The meeting can begin, Lance,” he said tiredly.

            “Alright. I have gathered us all here to discuss the effects of our activities earlier this evening,” Lance said, taking a seat on Keith’s desk. “It seems that _somebody_ ,” Lance cut his eyes at Keith, “didn’t properly dismiss the spirit.”

            “That’s a lie. I did everything perfectly. Like usual,” Keith responded.

            “Yeah, sure. _Any_ way, I think that spirit wasn’t done talking to us or whatever because my dorm is a mess right now,” Lance continued.

            “Your dorm is always a mess,” Pidge reminded him.

            “It is not! And it’s more of a mess than usual because our spirit friend decided that all of my dishes belonged on the floor and my clothes belonged anywhere but in their drawers,” Lance explained.

            “Shut up, Lance. You did all that yourself. You’re such a drama queen,” Keith argued.

            “I already told you, Keith, I did not do this. It was the spirit,” Lance countered.

            “I thank God every day that you don’t have a roommate, Lance, because you’re batshit crazy,” Shiro added.

            “Just hear me out. We need to, like, talk to this spirit again or something because I’m _not_ trying to get fucking murdered,” Lance said.

            “If Lance is telling the truth- which I highly doubt- it wouldn’t hurt to just talk to the spirit again,” Hunk chimed in. Everyone looked at Shiro for his verdict.

            “Fine. I guess we can try talking to this spirit again,” he finally declared.        

            “Thank you! Now I just have to go get the board. Shiro come with me, I’m scared to go alone,” Lance said, grabbing Shiro’s hand. Shiro rolled his eyes but allowed himself to be dragged from his dorm.

            The entire way down to the second floor, Lance was smiling internally. This was going surprisingly well. Now, all he had to do was hope Allura got everything ready in time.

            Allura, like always, had prepared everything in a perfectly theatrical and time-effective manner. There were dishes and clothes strewn everywhere, just as Lance had asked. But Allura had gone above and beyond. There was also what looked like paint splattered all over the bathroom counter and mirror. The shower was running and the toilet was clogged. Lance inwardly groaned. _That_ was not a part of the plan.

            Shiro looked stunned to see the state of the apartment.

            “I always knew you were messy, Lance, but I never thought you were _this_ messy,” Shiro said, looking around the dorm.

            “How many times do I have to tell you? This wasn’t me!” Lance complained. “Honestly, you guys never trust-,” Lance trailed off and stared in horror at something near his bed. Shiro followed his gaze, wondering what could have interrupted Lance’s incessant complaining. Then he saw it.

            There, laying on Lance’s bed was one of his many ABBA posters, torn down the middle and markings all over the faces of the band members. Lance made a sound of pure agony.

            “No, no, no! This was my favourite poster!” he said, kneeling next to his bed to mourn his loss. He gingerly touched the rip and Shiro could have sworn that he saw a tear fall.

            “No. They drew a moustache on Frida. How could they?” Lance wailed, cradling the poster to his chest. Shiro stared at him in pity.

            “Well, I think it’s safe to say that you didn’t do this, Lance. I’m sorry,” Shiro said, placing a hand on his back. “Why don’t you just get the board and I’ll go turn the shower off,” he continued, offering Lance a weak smile. Lance sniffled and nodded.

            Shiro tried to get Lance to leave the remains of the poster in his room, but Lance refused. Finally, after much more sniffling and three hugs from Shiro, Lance was ready to go back to the fifth floor, torn poster in tow.

            Everyone noticed Lance’s distress despite how hard Lance tried to cover it up.

            “Why don’t you go to the bathroom to calm down?” Shiro urged, pushing Lance towards the bathroom.

            “It really wasn’t Lance, guys. His favourite ABBA poster…” Lance heard Shiro explain as he locked himself in the tiny bathroom. Lance immediately whipped out his phone

 

 

 

**Private Message**

**Lance McClain, 2:23 AM:** you know i love you and i thank you for all you did tonight but my poster???

**Allura Rioce, 2:24 AM:** I’m sorry, Lance. I may have gone a bit overboard. But did it work?

**Lance McClain, 2:24 AM:** yes it worked but i am DISTRAUGHT

**Allura Rioce, 2:25 AM:** Yeah, I thought you might be. I’ll buy you another.

**Lance McClain, 2:25 AM:** thanks bby <3

 

Lance turned off his phone and exited the bathroom. The scene before him was vastly different than it was when he went in to the bathroom. There were candles burning all over the room, with the majority of them concentrated in a circle on the floor. It smelled suspiciously like incense.

“What’s all this?” he asked, gesturing around the room. Keith looked up at him from his place on the floor.

“I thought that maybe we didn’t have the right ambiance under the streetlight. Every other time I’ve used a Ouija board, I set up candles and incense and everything went smoothly,” he explained. Lance nodded slowly.

“I guess that makes sense,” he said, slowly taking a seat on the floor next to Keith. Keith made eye contact with everyone before he started.

“Put a finger on the planchette,” he said solemnly. Everyone followed his instructions.

“Are there any spirits here tonight?” Keith asked. There was a long pause before the planchette moved to YES. The same nervous energy from earlier permeated the air. The only difference was that this time, Lance was purposely moving the planchette.

“Are you the same spirit from before?” Keith continued. Lance held his hand still. Everyone exchanged fearful looks.

“What do you want with us?” Keith asked. Lance slowly spelled out NOTHING. Shiro’s brow furrowed and he exchanged a look with Keith.

“What does it mean by ‘nothing?’” Shiro asked. Keith held up a hand to silence him.

“Why are you here?” Keith asked after a long silence.

Shit. Lance hadn’t thought they would get this far. He had to come up with something _quick_.

The planchette slowly moved to GOODBYE.

“What the fuck?” Pidge breathed.

“Wait! Spirit! Come back!” Keith said. Lance held his hand still on GOODBYE.

“Fuck, Lance. You got us haunted,” Keith said eventually.

“What do you mean ‘haunted?’ Can’t you undo this or something?” Hunk asked, looking expectantly at Keith. Keith shrugged.

“I guess the only thing to do now is have this place exorcised. But I don’t know if that will work because we first met this spirit at Subway, so obviously it’s not attached to any particular place,” Keith rambled.

“Keith, are you saying that we’re stuck with spirit that may or may not be malevolent and we can’t have it exorcised?” Pidge asked. Keith looked up helplessly.

“Yeah. That’s exactly what I’m saying,” he whispered.

“Way to go, Lance,” Pidge said.

“How is this my fault?” Lance asked.

“How _isn’t_ this your fault? You’re the one that wanted to play this stupid game in the first place!” Pidge shouted.

“Keith want to! He agreed immediately! If anything, this is Keith’s fault!” Lance countered.

“What?” Keith exclaimed.

“Keith is the one that improperly talked to the spirit and got it mad or whatever,” Lance shouted.

“Lance, Pidge. Enough. It is nearly three in the morning and we all have eight o’clock classes. Not to mention that we have neighbours that probably don’t appreciate this shouting. And Jesus, Keith, put out some of these candles. You’ll catch this place on fire!” Shiro interjected. Lance and Pidge stopped arguing immediately and Keith jumped to put out some of the candles.

“We’ll figure this out in the morning. Right now, we all need to sleep. Goodnight, everyone,” Shiro said, attempting to climb back into his bed.

“I’m not going back to my room. My room was already defiled by the spirit. I’m staying right here,” Lance argued.

“Yeah, I don’t really want to be alone, either,” Hunk added.

“You won’t be alone, Hunk, you’ll have Pidge,” Shiro said, his patience obviously wearing thin.

“Yeah, but how useful is Pidge gonna be if the spirit comes to attack us?” Hunk asked.

“Hey! I might be _very_ useful in case of a malevolent spirit!” Pidge defended.

“How useful are any of going to be in case of malevolent spirit? Just go back to your room!” Shiro snapped.

“Aw, Shiro. Let ‘em stay,” Keith said. Shiro growled.

“Fine, but I actually want to sleep so no talking,” he finally agreed. Lance, Pidge, and Hunk shared excited looks.

“Sleepover!” Lance yelled.

“Shut _up_ , Lance!” Shiro shouted and threw a pillow at Lance.

“Ok but where are y’all gonna sleep?” Keith asked.

“I’ll sleep on the floor,” Hunk offered.

“Alright! Hunk’s on the floor, Pidge can be with Shiro and I’ll be with you!” Lance yelled, climbing in to Keith’s bed.

“What the fuck? Why are you with me?” Keith demanded.

“’Cause Shiro’s grumpy and he scares me when he’s grumpy,” Lance said as though it should be obvious. Keith opened his mouth to speak again.

“Shut up! Pidge if you’re with me, hurry up and get in the bed. Everyone else, shut. Up!” Shiro bellowed. Pidge quickly climbed onto the bed and hid behind Shiro. Hunk and Keith blew out the rest of the candles.

Keith climbed into the bed behind Lance.

“He _is_ kinda scary when he’s grumpy,” Keith whispered. Shiro growled in warning.

 

At five-thirty, Shiro’s alarm went off. There was a collective groan. Shiro silently got out of bed and went to the bathroom.

“How the fuck does he wake up this early?” Pidge wondered.

“He only got what? Two hours of sleep?” Lance added.

“I’m trying to sleep,” Keith mumbled from under the twenty blankets. He scooted closer to Lance and buried his face in Lance’s neck.

“Awww,” Lance mused. “He’s so cute when he’s tired.”

“Shut the fuck up, Lance. I will kill you _so hard_ ,” Keith muttered.

“Awww,” Lance said again, wrapping his arms around Keith.

“Lance, I swear to god. Get off of me,” Keith said, trying to push Lance off of him, Lance just tightened his arms.

“You’re the one that wanted to cuddle, baby,” Lance complained.

“Fuck it,” Keith said. He fell asleep against Lance shortly after.

Pidge, Hunk, and Lance, however, did not go back to sleep.

“What do you think the spirit thing is gonna do now?” Hunk asked.

“I don’t know. Maybe kill us,” Lance said.

“God, I hope it kills us,” Pidge replied.

“Not all of us are seeking the sweet embrace of death, Pidge,” Lance reminded them. They just shrugged.

“I thought Keith might know since he’s done this before,” Hunk said. Lance made a noncommittal noise.

“He might be able to think of something. He’s got loads of weird shit up his sleep,” Lance answered.

“Mmm… heard that,” Keith muttered.

“I’m sure that we can come up with a solution,” Pidge said.

“What does this spirit want anyway?” Hunk asked. No one answered.

            Eventually, Shiro came out of the bathroom.

            “Shower’s open,” he announced. No one moved.

            “No one wants to take a shower?” he asked. Again, no one moved.

            “You are all disgusting,” he decided, then he saw Lance holding Keith. “Lance don’t touch Keith. He doesn’t like it.”

            “Whatever, Dad. He seems to be liking this just fine, though,” Lance said, grinning at Shiro. Shiro just rolled his eyes.

            “Why do you wake up so _early_ , Shiro? Class doesn’t start until eight,” Pidge asked.

            “I have to get ready,” Shiro answered.

            “It took you like fifteen minutes to shower. You still could be asleep,” Lance badgered.

            “It takes more than just a shower to get ready in the morning, Lance,” Shiro said, before plopping into his desk chair.

            “He’s gotta do his…makeup,” Keith grumbled into Lance’s chest.

            “Oh, yeah! I completely forgot!” Lance exclaimed. Keith winced at the loud noise.

            “I kinda wanna watch this,” Pidge said, scooting to the other end of the bed to watch Shiro closely.

            “Me, too,” Hunk said. He crawled over to sit next to Shiro’s chair.

            “Don’t start without me!” Lance yelled and struggled to get out the bed he was sharing with Keith.

            “Come back,” Keith groaned, reaching out to grab blindly at Lance. Lance, however, was already seated next to Pidge on Shiro’s bed.

            “Calm down, guys. It’s just makeup,” Shiro said, slightly embarrassed.

            “Yeah, but you always look so good. I wanna see how it happens,” Pidge stated. Hunk and Lance nodded enthusiastically in agreement. Shiro sighed, but let his friends watch.

            It turned out that Shiro actually _did_ need to wake up so early. His makeup routine took the better part of an hour. Pidge, Lance, and Hunk were completely enraptured the entire time. At some point, Keith got lonely and ended up in Shiro’s bed, sprawled across Lance and Pidge.

            Finally, Shiro put down his eyeliner and announced that he was done. He friends (minus Keith) applauded raucously.

            “Now I just have to get dressed,” Shiro said, opening his closet.

            “We also need to come up with a plan for this demon-spirit thing,” Hunk reminded him.

            “Oh, yeah. Right now, I’d say we just wait it out and see if anything bad happens,” Shiro said.

            “Anything bad?! My favourite ABBA poster was _defiled!_ How is that not bad?!” Lance yelled, pushing Keith off of him so he could jump of the bed in his excitement.

            “That was a fucking miracle, Lance. That wasn’t bad at all,” Keith muttered.

            “Shut up, Keith. You like ABBA, too. Don’t even try to deny it,” Lance accused, pointing a finger at Keith.

            “Lance, I know you loved that poster, but that’s not really as bad as things could have been,” Shiro consoled.

            “I would rather _die_ than have ABBA merchandise destroyed,” Lance proclaimed.

            “You have really weird, twisted priorities,” Keith observed. Lance shot him a look full of venom.

            “I agree with Shiro. Let’s just see how this plays out,” Pidge said. Hunk nodded. Reluctantly, Keith and Lance broke off their bickering to voice their agreement.

            “Alright. So that’s settled. Let’s go get some breakfast,” Shiro said, urging everyone to get off of the bed.

            “I think y’all should get dressed first,” Keith said, wrinkling his nose at his friends.

            “Agreed. Hunk let’s go. We’ll meet back here in ten,” Pidge said, pulling Hunk out of the room.

            “You, too, Lance,” Keith said, pushing Lance towards the door.

            “I am _not_ going back to my room. I don’t want to see what else that demon destroyed,” Lance said decisively.

            “Well, those clothes stink. You need to change,” Keith argued.

            “I’ll just wear your clothes, Keith,” Lance announced, throwing up Keith’s closet.

            “You most certainly _are not_ wearing my clothes,” Keith said, throwing himself between Lance and the closet.

            “Fine, I’ll just wear Shiro’s clothes,” Lance huffed and turned to face Shiro.

            “No, you won’t. You’re wearing Keith’s clothes. Keith give him some clothes,” Shiro commanded. Lance thought that Keith would throw and honest to god temper tantrum before he crossed his arms and went to sulk on his bed.

            Lance looked through Keith’s closet and picked out clothes that he knew were Keith’s favourites just to spite him. Keith actually whined when he saw Lance pull out a My Chemical Romance shirt.

            “Seriously, Keith? My Chemical Romance? Is this 2005?” Lance asked mockingly.

            “Shut up. You listen to MCR,” Keith replied.

            “Yeah, but I don’t have an MCR shirt. You’re so fucking edgy,” Lance argued.

            “And I listen to ABBA but I don’t have seven-wait, _six_ , ABBA posters in my room,” Keith said. Lance gasped.

            “How dare you? So soon after my loss and you’re _already_ making jokes? You should be ashamed,” Lance said.

            “Can the two of you sop arguing for ten seconds? Just ten,” Shiro asked. Both Keith and Lance opened their mouths to respond when there was a knock at the door.

            “That’ll be Pidge and Hunk. Are the two of you ready to go?” Shiro asked, giving them both his Dad Look. They grumbled and followed Shiro to the door.

            The five them began their trek across campus to the dining hall.

            “I invited Allura to have breakfast with us. I hope that’s ok with everyone,” Shiro announced, when they were about halfway there.

            Fuck. Of course Shiro would invite his girlfriend, who had just helped to pull a prank- a prank that was still- going on him. Lance grabbed his phone.

           

**Private Message**

**Lance McClain, 7:14 AM:** do not say A WORD at breakfast

**Allura Rioce, 7:15 AM:** I have no idea what you’re talking about.

**Lance McClain, 7:15 AM:** good girl <3

 

 

Breakfast was surprisingly mundane. Keith and Lance managed not to argue at all. Everyone except Allura was dead tired.

“Baby, you’re makeup looks so good today,” she crooned over Shiro.

“Thanks,” he muttered, half asleep. Allura quickly lost interest in talking with him.

“Everyone, tell me how your classes are going,” she demanded, looking at the other four.

“God, they’re perfect for each other. Shiro is a dad and she’s a mom,” Keith muttered. Lance and Pidge snickered.

“Speak up. I want to know about your classes,” Allura commanded.

“Yes, Mom. My classes are terrible. I actively hate going to school and being alive in general,” Keith replied.

“Don’t talk like that, Keith. It’s depressing. Lance?”

“My classes are alright, I guess. Chemistry is pretty cool,” he replied.

“Fucking idiot, you’re majoring in chemistry. Of course you think it’s cool,” Keith said.

“Keith, let him talk,” Allura insisted.

“Nah, I’m done. Keith doesn’t want to hear it,” Lance said. Allura switched her focus to Pidge.

“Eh, the same as always. I spend more time with computers than people,” they said. Allura nodded in understanding

“And you, Hunk?” she said, shifting to look at Hunk, who was fast asleep. She poked him. He didn’t stir.

“Why on earth are you all so tired?” she asked. Lance shot her a look, which she dispelled with a subtle wink.

“Lance managed to get all of us haunted,” Pidge said, shoving a spoonful of Froot Loops into their mouth. Allura raised an eyebrow at Shiro.

“Explain,” she demanded. Shiro sighed and turned weary eyes to his girlfriend.

“It’s a long story and class starts in ten minutes. How about I tell you at lunch?” Shiro negotiated. Allura crossed her arms and eyed him disdainfully but agreed nonetheless. All six of them said their goodbyes and went to their classes.

 

 

They decided to meet at Taco Bell for lunch. The six of them were all squished into one booth and wrapper covered every inch of the table.

“Explain,” Allura demanded, looking at the group assembled around her.

“Lance got the bright idea that he wanted to play with a Ouija board but had no idea how,” Keith said.

“Yeah, but Keith made it mad and now it’s haunting us,” Lance followed.

“So at one-fucking-thirty this morning, Lance demands that we all meet in in Shiro and Keith’s room so that we can play with this Ouija board a second time,” Pidge added.

“Wait. You’re missing the worst part. My favourite ABBA poster was _destroyed_ ,” Lance spat, glaring at Allura. She narrowed her eyes at him.

“Anyway, we communed with the dead or whatever for a second time,” Hunk continued.

“At _two in the morning!”_ Pidge screeched.

“Yes, at two in the morning and now we have a spirit haunting us,” Hunk finished.

“Oh! And then we all had a sleepover at Shiro and Keith’s and we got to watch Shiro do his makeup,” Lance added.

“Lance, I love you, but you’re an idiot,” Allura said after a long pause.

“What did I do?” Lance asked indignantly.

“Why did you think it would be a good idea to play with a Ouija board in the first place?” Allura inquired.

“I thought it would be like a fun bonding activity or whatever. And I knew Keith is edgy enough to have fucked around with a Ouija board before, so I wasn’t too worried,” Lance explained. Keith kicked him under the table.

“Well, what are you going to do now?” Allura demanded, crossing her arms and looking every bit a disappointed mother.

“Keith says the spirit can’t be exorcised because it doesn’t have a secure attachment to any one place,” Pidge said. Allura furrowed her brows.

“We were planning on just laying low and seeing how this plays out,” Shiro clarified.               “I think we should move somewhere else for a while and see if it follows us,” Hunk pitched.

“That idea’s not half bad. Then we’d be able to tell if this spirit can actually be exorcised,” Keith said.

“I thought you said it couldn’t be exorcised,” Shiro replied.

“It may have formed some attachment to Lance’s things last night. I don’t know. I think we should go somewhere else and see what happens,” Keith said.

“Where will you go?” asked Allura.

“Can we go camping?” Pidge asked.

“Ew. No,” Keith said. Lance nodded in agreement.

“Camping sounds nice. We could go to the mountains for a couple of days,” Shiro offered.

“Camping is gross. Can’t we do something else?” Keith whined.

“As much as I hate to say it, I agree with Keith. Camping is gross,” Lance said.

“Where else could we go? We’re five broke college students trying to escape a spirit demon thing,” Shiro pointed.

“Camping sounds like the best option,” Allura added helpfully. Lance and Keith groaned.

“Camping it is. Are we in agreement that we’re going to the mountains?” Shiro asked. There were nods from Pidge and Hunk and groans from Keith and Lance.

“We’ll go in Keith’s truck. It’s got the most room. Pidge, you’ll just have to sit in someone’s lap. Let’s meet up at six tomorrow morning. How does that sound?” Shiro planned.

“It sounds terrible. And why are we using my truck?” Keith complained.

“I just said that your truck has the most room,” Shiro replied.

“I don’t even want to go camping. I’d rather be murdered by this spirit,” Keith whined. Shiro shot him a look.

“But fine, we can use my truck,” he sighed.

“Why do I have to sit in someone’s lap?” Pidge asked.

“You’re the smallest. Unless you want Lance or Hunk to sit in _your_ lap?” Shiro replied.

“Wait! Are you implying that Hunk and I will be in the back? That’s not fair, I call shotgun,” Lance complained.

“Shiro has permanent shotgun in my truck. He lives with me,” Keith said. Shiro looked at Lance smugly.

“Ok, if there are no more complaints, we can head back to our dorms now and pack,” Shiro said.

“I don’t know what to pack,” Keith said.

“Same. And I’m not going back to my room,” Lance added.

“Ugh. Ok. I’ll help the two of you pack. Keith, you’re sharing your stuff with Lance,” Shiro declared.

“That is _not_ fair. I demand that _you_ also share stuff with Lance,” Keith said. Shiro pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Whatever makes you happy, Keith. Ok, go pack everyone. Be ready by six tomorrow morning,” Shiro said.

“Ok, Dad,” Pidge said, standing up and turning towards the door. They walked maybe three steps before stopping.

“Lance? Don’t fuck this up,” they said and the continued walking, Hunk following closely behind.

“I have never fucked up anything in my life,” Lance muttered. Keith snorted.

“You’re the reason we have to go camping anyway,” he pointed out.

“I swear. The two of you are like children,” Shiro said, before turning to kiss Allura goodbye.

“Go along, little children. Your father will take you home to pack for your trip,” Allura said teasingly, shooing the three men from the table.

“I _so_ don’t want to do this,” Keith whined.

“Neither do I,” Lance agreed, watching Allura closely. Shiro ushered the two of them out of the restaurant and to a waiting campus shuttle.

 

**Private Message:**

**Lance McClain, 12:58 PM:** allura you better have some damn good shit up your sleeve

**Lance McClain, 12:59 PM:** i did not plan for this you gotta help me out

**Allura Riose, 1:01 PM:** I’m sure I can figure something out. Now, go. Have fun.

**Lance McClain, 1:02 PM:** theres no way i can have fun CAMPING

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> allura is a little shit i love her so much. and lance's ABBA obsession is based 100% on my ABBA obsession

**Author's Note:**

> i promise this is funny. trust me.
> 
> as always, thanks go to lauren. she encourages this absolute shitshow and some of these conversations are real conversations that ive had with her <3


End file.
